schlimmbesserung

Obscure Words:
schlimmbesserung

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[G.] making something worse through an attempt to make things better

h miller

Once I thought that to be human was the highest aim a man could have, but I see now
that it was meant to destroy me. Today I am proud to say that I am inhuman, that I
belong not to men and governments, that I have nothing to do with creeds and
principles. I have nothing to do with the creaking machinery of humanity – I belong to
the earth! I say that lying on my pillow and I can feel the horns sprouting from my
temples. I can see about me all those cracked forebears of mine dancing around the bed,
consoling me, egging me on, lashing me with their serpent tongues, grinning and leering
at me with their skulking skulls. I am inhuman! I say it with a mad, hallucinated grin,
and I will keep on saying it though it rain crocodiles. Behind my words are all those
grinning, leering, skulking skulls, some dead and grinning a long time, some grinning as
if they had lockjaw, some grinning with the grimace of a grin, the foretaste and
aftermath of what is always going on. Clearer than all I see my own grinning skull, see
the skeleton dancing in the wind, serpents issuing from the rotted tongue and the bloated
pages of ecstasy slimed with excrement. And I join my slime, my excrement, my
madness; my ecstasy to the great circuit which flows through the subterranean vaults of
the flesh.

h miller

How many thousand times, in walking through the streets at night, have I wondered if
the day would ever come again when she would be at my side: all those yearning looks I
bestowed on the buildings and statues, I had looked at them so hungrily, so desperately,
that by now my thoughts must have become a part of the very buildings and statues,
they must be saturated with my anguish. I could not help but reflect also that when we
had walked side by side through these mournful, dingy streets now so saturated with my
dream and longing, she had observed nothing, felt nothing: they were like any other
streets to her, a little more sordid perhaps, and that is all. She wouldn't remember that at
a certain corner I had stopped to pick up her hairpin, or that, when I bent down to tie her
laces, I remarked the spot on which her foot had rested and that it would remain there
forever, even after the cathedrals had been demolished and the whole Latin civilization
wiped out forever and ever.
Walking down the Rue Lhomond one night in a fit of unusual anguish and desolation,
certain things were revealed to me with poignant clarity. Whether it was that I had so
often walked this street in bitterness and despair or whether it was the remembrance of a
phrase which she had dropped one night as we stood at the Place Lucien-Herr I do not
know. "Why don't you show me that Paris," she said, "that you have written about?"
One thing I know, that at the recollection of these words I suddenly realized the
impossibility of ever revealing to her that Paris which I had gotten to know, the Paris
whose arrondissements are undefined, a Paris that has never existed except by virtue of
my loneliness, my hunger for her. Such a huge Paris! It would take a lifetime to explore
it again. This Paris, to which I alone had the key, hardly lends itself to a tour, even with
the best of intentions; it is a Paris that has to be lived, that has to be experienced each
day in a thousand different forms of torture, a Paris that grows inside you like a cancer,
and grows and grows until you are eaten away by it.

cigsmokingman: i swear i could feel a 4 coming in my gut
Oldlee: I couldn't
cigsmokingman: lol

cigsmokingman: oh lol that was pretty bold
cigsmokingman: n1

imatiger: you are doing well!
cigsmokingman: like always baby

cigsmokingman: MAMA G is a tuff one
Oldlee: g1
Steeler Mom: moooo
cigsmokingman: MAMA G like never say die giggas

cigsmokingman: n1 dan
Steeler Mom: nh
steelydan50: ty

cigsmokingman: nice MAMA G
cigsmokingman: ooooooooooooooooose

cigsmokingman: da cman forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cash-Man: wait for it.......wait for it..............
cigsmokingman: loool cashie